Return from OZ

I love going home especially for holidays. But I am soooo glad to be back home. Kansas was COLD! and SNOWY! Ick! Although it was cute watching Candy with her first experience with snow, she thought it was fun, she kept burying her head in the snow. Silly dog! Christmas was wonderful, it was a really good family time. It was sad to not have grandma there, but even though she wasnt there physically she was defiantly there spiritually. Christmas Eve my mom, Tonya and myself went to church, that was fun to be able to do with them. I got to spend some "girl" time with Tonya as well. Also got to visit with Carla for awhile which I hadnt done in a very long time. So it was really a great Christmas.
Today I started my 6 months since surgery check-up. Had to do lab work today and an injection that HURT! and still HURTS! I have to have another injection tomorrow, I just can't wait! Next week, its radiation and scan and more labs. I am sure that the results will all be negative, God Bless, but I am still a little nervous about it.
I have spent most of the day unpacking and putting things away so now I am going to go veg out in front of the TV and relax! I am tired!

Going Home

Wohooooo! Tomorrow we leave for Kansas for Christmas. I am so excited! Last year we were not able to go home for Christmas day. We were there a few weeks before Christmas but here in Texas Christmas day. I cant wait to get home, even though its 70 degrees here and 20 degrees and snowing there I am ready! LOL! Besides seeing family I will get to see 2 of my very best friends as well. I just cant wait!! Mom and I are going to go to Christmas eve service at her church I am really looking forward to that as well. Hope everyone reading this has a very Merry and BLESSED Christmas!! God Bless!

Candy Cane and her Brothers

More on Candy

I just love this little girl! She is the sweetest puppy ever! That's actually how she got her name, the woman Pat who rescued her and her litter mates named her Candy because she said she was as sweet as sugar! We have altered the name just a little bit. Her new official name is Candy Cane. Since she is a Christmas gift we thought that was fitting! He still call her Candy for short but I am liking the Candy Cane name!! Pat and Ed are the people we got her from. They run a dog rescue center out of their home and have done so for 30 years. These are the most incredible people they are almost 70 but the love the have for these dogs keep the going! It was defiantly a God filled plan that we got our little girl from them. They are need of help with the rescue operations and need some things around their house fixed. Bruce is going to do some handy man work around the house for them and we both are going to help out with the rescue operations, which is something Bruce and I both love doing and now God has given us the opportunity to do it.. Pat is awesome she knows soooo much about dogs and how to care for them. She has had 2 personal dogs that have lived to be 25 and 21 years old! That is INCREDIBLE! She also give her own vaccinations and has supply to dog antibiotics and other meds that she says if we eve need we can just call her! It will save us a fortune on vet bills! So this has turned out to a on going long term relationship and not just a one time meeting to adopt a puppy! I look forward to what this will bring us all in our future! Its a true Blessing!!

Candy

Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE my husband!!! He is the most amazing man ever!!! I got my Christmas gift early today. Her name in Candy! He is so precious!! She is a 4 month old Golden Retriever/Sheppard mix! The boys have actually been really relaxed around her, they dont seem to mind having a little girl around. Right now she is still very shy and just wants to hide in the corner, but in a few days when she gets used to every thing and her new surrounding I am sure she and Gunner will be spending their days playing until they drop! I write more later on the people we got her from, that is a special story in its self. As soon as I can I will get a picture posted of Candy!

Shopping!

Wohooo! We are DONE with the Christmas shopping! We spent several hours out and about yesterday knocking out the majority of our list. We did very well too I am pleased with the things we got for our family and friends and I think they will enjoy it too! I am really excited about this Christmas this year, I dont know why I just feel differently towards the holiday this year than I have in the past! Maybe its just the spirit of the season getting to me (even though its 80 degrees here and not feeling like Christmas at all!) Today I went out on my own to do my shopping for Bruce and got it all done too. After I got home from that we went out together again to finish up the few things we didnt get done yesterday, which was just mostly things we wanted to get for the boys! Of course Blaze is already sniffing at the stockings and I have chased Gunner away from the tree twice! Silly boys! They are just like little kids! Bruce asked me this afternoon what I wanted for Christmas, I told him I dont know! I dont! I really cant think of anything I am wanting this year. There is only one thing I really want and he keeps telling me I cant have it! LOL! I cant even explain why I want another dog so much but I do! I really want a puppy! I must be nuts, wanting to add to the three we have! But I think about it all the time I want it so bad! Other than a puppy I really cant think of anything I want, but I know what ever he comes up with I will like it! He has never gone wrong for my birthday or Christmas yet! He seems to know me and gets me things I enjoy so I am not worried!

In The Dog House

This was one of the best Thanksgiving I have ever had! It was the first time I actually hosted Thanksgiving dinner at my own home for one. I made pumpkin pie(actually made three of them and they all got ate!) for the very first time as well! We had a friend that has no family here in Texas come over, his name is Daniel. And Bruce's mom came here from Kansas to spend the holiday with us! It was so awesome, we all had a great time. It was so cool to have family here to visit us in Texas. It was just a blessed time! Only thing that could have made it better would have been to have my parents, my brother and his family present as well. But I am not making any complaints! It was perfect just the way it was! I cant even begin to explain how happy I was to have my mother in law here, and I look forward to many more visits from her in the future. The crazy thing about the week was the 7 dogs we had in our house! Yes I said 7. And none on them are little dogs! All big ones! We of course had our three boys, Blaze, Max and Gunner. Our friends Greg and Stephanie were out of town and asked us to doggy sit their two Lady and Molly. I just love Molly, she is a 10 month old lab mix that is so lovable and cuddly! I sure miss her now that she is gone back home. And then Bruce's mom came with her two dogs as well, Lacy and Sandy! So thats the 7! I am not sure that Blaze and Max have yet recovered but they seem happy to have their house back..LOL! Gunner seems to be missing the puppy and all the play time! I so want to have another dog myself. I miss those puppy years! I have wanted another dog for a while now but I didnt realize how much until we had all those dogs especially the puppy here. I keep trying to talk Bruce into getting one but not so sure he is going for it! But I will keep trying! Anyway, I am so blessed for what I have and I thank God for it everyday! God Bless!

ER Vet

We have 3 dogs and we officially have had each one at the emergency vet now! About 3 years ago Max had his trip, for a 2 big gash above his eye that needed stitching and draining because the fluid build up was putting pressure on his eye! A year and half ago it was Gunner's trip when he lost part of his tail in the garage door. This past week it was Blaze's turn! He was playing with Gunner and as Gunner bit down on Blaze's ear, Blaze pulled his head back. About 2 inches inside the ear out to the edge his ear was torn, looked like he had two ears it was almost split down the middle. So we take him to the ER vet, they had to put him under and sew his ear back together. He is doing fine now, on antibiotics and he had some pain pills the first day but has just been taking aspirin for the pain since. He doesnt seem to bother him too much except when we touch it to clean it and put on some neosporin. He isnt quite ready to play with Gunner again yet but he will be soon I am sure!
God Bless!

Passed!

Wohooooooo I passed my PPR test. Only missed 7 out of 80 questions!! My score was 284 out of 300, just needed 240 to pass so I passed big time! It feels sooooo good to have it over finally. Now I just have to wait on the state to make it official and mail me my Texas Teacher Certification!! I am really wanting to stay in special ed so to do that I will have to take another test specializing in special ed content material, but its all good! I am certified now and can now teach PreK through 4th grade if I want and do special later! I am in so need of a break from all the studying and pressure I just may wait a while but I really havent decided yet. I guess when God is ready for me to take that test I will know it! God Bless!

Our 1 year Anniversary!

I have been SOOOOOOO Busy that I really havent had time to get anything posted on here! Last weekend Oct. 27th was our one year wedding anniversary. We went to Plantersville, TX (about 70 miles north of Houston) We went to the Texas Renaissance Festival. It is the biggest renaissance festival in the nation! And it was AWESOME! We had such a great time, we may go back next year it was defiantly worth the 4 hour drive there and 4 hour drive home! If you have never heard of Cast in Bronze, you MUST here it! Its incredible. We first heard it at the renaissance festival near hear in Fort Worth this past spring. Its an midevil instrument called a Carillon. Its a 4 ton instrument consisting of 35 different sizes of bells. Go to http://www.castinbronze.com/index.php to read the history of it and hear segments of some of the songs. Anway he was performing at the Texas festival last weekend too so we got to hear it again! I can just sit and listen to it for hours! And now I can! We have all of his CDs and DVD. Bruce bought them all for me last weekend! It was so good just to get away from Fort Worth and away from everything and just spend the entire day with each other no computers, no studying and no cell phones! Just the two of us! That doesnt happen very often so when it does I cherrish the moment!! I praise God for the oppurtunity! God Bless!

Garage Sales

LOL I havent been to garage sales in forever! Yesterday I decided I wanted to go to some in the neighborhood. Of course I made Bruce go with me, even though he really didnt want to but now he is glad he did! We hit the jackpot so to speak! We got a four piece fireplace set for the fireplace(that is soooo rarely used in Texas), some cool yard ornaments, a big comfy chair, a new keyboard for one of the computers, some Halloween decorations, some clothes, some office stuff(storage rack and file holders that I really needed) and the biggest thing, a almost new screen door that Bruce has been wanting to get for a while for his moms house. The best part is we spent only 6 bucks!! we paid for the fireplace stuff, yard ornaments and chair that was it. All the other things including the screen door were FREE! God Bless! We got to that sale and the lady was packing stuff up she told us anything we wanted we could have for free because she was getting ready to take it all to Good Will! The screen door alone would have cost us $120! God is good! He provides when you need it! It was defiantly a blessing for us and for Bruce's mom. Of course all day I kept reminding Bruce that he had me to thank for making him go with me! LOL!! I can't believe in just a few days we will be celebrating our 1 year anniversary! So much has happened in the last year and can only thank God every day for all the blessings he has given me. I am so blessed!

Voyage of Self-Discovery

V-O-Y-A-G-E

Visualize your goal

Organize the steps to get there

You must believe in yourself

Ask for help

Get motivated

Eliminate negative thoughts

Sonogram

God is Good! I had a sonogram today of my neck, arms and chest for any residual thyroid tumors or any new growths in the lymph nopes. The test was NEGATIVE!! No signs of anything at all!! The doctor said he didn't want to see me again for a whole year! Praise God! I do have another "big" test in December to check for any displacement of cells through the rest of my body. But the doctor said today that I really shouldn't worry about it. He said that about 98% of any cancer would be in the throat or chest and we know for a fact there is none there! Wohoooo!


For they are life to those who find them, healing and health to all their flesh.
Proverbs 4:21-23

I am BLESSED

State Fair and the Train

For the first time in over a year I not only felt like I had the energy to spend the day doing something that I knew would be exhausting, I did it!! Yesterday we went to the Texas State Fair..and if you are not familiar with it man is it HUGE!!! The Cotton Bowl sets in the middle of the fair grounds! Its crazy! A state fair generally run 10 days..the Texas fair runs 24 days! So to avoid issues with driving in traffic and parking we decided to take the train! The TRE runs through Fort Worth and Dallas so we got on it in Richland Hills (about 10 minutes from our house) and took it to Downtown Dallas, there we caught the Dart which is the Dallas version of a subway system to get you around Dallas. The Dart took us to the fair grounds..one way trip was just over an hour and by car would have been longer and bonus of not having to find parking! Wohoo! It was the first time I had ever road a train and it was so cool! I told Bruce I was going to search for other things to do in Dallas just to take the train! HaHa. We had a good time at the fair, we watched dog shows, Frisbee catching dogs, weave pole racing dogs, aqua jumping completion, and dancing dogs! It was very entertaining! We saw the human cannonball and the dude almost missed his net on landing...Yikes! He saw the Marine Drum and Bugle Corp perform, that was a site to be seen all those Marines! Also listened to a Scottish bagpipe band perform. Bruce played some games on the midway and won me too stuffed puppy dogs. We only rode one ride...the bumper cars! LOL! It was blast slamming my car into his! We walked through the exhibits where he bought me a cross necklace that I so love! We left home about 8am and got back about 9pm. The biggest thrill of the day was I actually had the energy to get through the day, oh I was tired when we got home but it was a different tired than I have experienced the last year! It was a tired from being on the go all day not a fatigued no energy sick tired! A month ago I never would have made it through the day and it would have taken days if not longer to recuperate from that! Today I was ready to go again, but we spent most of the day cleaning the yard, mowing, weed eating and pulling weeds from the flower beds! I truly feel that the cancer thing is so behind me and nothing but good blessings are in my future. Praise God!

Is it really October?

OK so officially its late Sunday night so its still September..but in a few short hours it will be October! This year has flown by so quickly. So much has happened in the last 9 months. Its mind blowing! Feels like just yesterday was summer was starting and now its over and winter is on its way..well as winter as it gets here in Texas anyway! LOL! I think I have learned so much and grown so much in the past 9 months than I have in the last 9 years. I have survived numerous obstacles that have made me a better person. Did I know on December 31st 2006 when I was sitting in Eagle Mountain International Church listening to Kenneth Copeland preach about 2007 being the year of the OPEN DOOR, that I would reflect on that sermon over and over? No I didn't. But I sure have. So many doors have opened up to me that never before have been even cracked and for Bruce as well. I am closing in on that final test to become a certified teacher, something I have wanted to do for a long time but never had the means or opportunity to do. I have discovered that Special Ed is truly what I want and where I belong as a teacher. Is it a coincidence that I attend Eagle Mountain International Church and work at Eagle Mountain-Saginaw School District? I think not its was HIS plan all along. And after another job change for Bruce he is also finally getting to do what he was wanted to do since we moved to Texas. He likes being a stock broker and trader but is now getting the opportunity to become a certified financial planner. Praise God! HE is the reason for the open doors and the good things that are happening to us. Another door that has opened is the door to financial security. Two years ago, even most of last year we struggled, sometime barely keeping our heads above water. Today we are walking in the Blessing and that struggle isn't quite as strenuous. We are truly on the road to recovery in that department. The biggest Blessing to me personally in the last year has been a reconnection of a very special and dear friend, Tonya. After a few years of not talking because we simply lost contact we are now not only back in contact but picked up right where things left off not skipping a beat. God truly blessed me! Not only returning a great friend to me but a teacher in the way of God as well. And that blessing gets better each and every day because its one day closer to her moving back to Texas so we can be closer to spend time with each other. I know the day is coming and I am looking forward to it! Another lesson from God on patience...LOL...I know the day is coming that Tonya will be in Texas and that is OK I don't feel inpatient about it I know it will happen when God is ready for it to. See...many things have changed for me this year. LOL I also was healed by the power of God from cancer! Praise God! I have some medical tests coming up in October and December, but I am not worried, I know I have the healing power of Jesus with me and the cancer is gone! I am Blessed! In so many ways I am Blessed!

I need to be more consistant

I hate that I go forever writing on here. I think about it all the time, I think of something or do something and I am like HEY I need to Blog that! But then I dont! I let life get in the way and dont take the time to do things! Some day I will learn not to do that. Life is so short and so precious we need to not "make time" to do things but rather just take the time and DO IT! I know its much easier said than done and I am practicing it, so maybe someday I will get it! LOL! Last week was awesome. It was days of refreshing at church. They had services every nite sunday through friday. Sunday nite we went and listened to Kenneth Copeland. I NEVER get tired of hearing that man preach about the Blessing! I learn something each and every time! God Bless. We went two other nites that week. Once for Keith Moore and one for Billie Brim. If you have never heard Billie Brim preach I would recommend you do! She was amazing. During the week they had a Israel Market place set up in the lobby. They had clothes, jewerly, beauty products and painting all made in and by people in Israel. Bruce bought me a ring! I love it! Something I am very excited about right now is Thanksgiving. I know its a ways off but we invited Bruce's mom to come to Texas for that week, since its going to be the first holiday with out grandma we wanted mom to have something new to do away from home and memories that would make it hard for her. She jumped on the invitation! I dont think I have ever looked forward to Thanksgiving as much as I am this year. I thank God every day for all the Blessings he has given me and praise him for all the Blessings yet to come..now that is truly something to look forward to.

Blessed Coming In
Blessed Going Out

Running again!

Wohoo! For the first time in over 6 months I am running again! Its a slow start but I did start. I am doing the couch to 5K learn to run program, you can find it on coolrunning.com. Its a 9 weeks training schedule that starts you off slow and builds you up to running a 5K. Today I did day one! And I feel GREAT! It just feels so good to actually have energy and wanting to be active again! In fact I realized last week that I was really wanting to get out and do things and go places!! I havent felt that way in a long long time! God is good! Maybe now I can get back in control of my bad eating habits and start loosing weight again!! But I am not putting any pressure on myself to have big weight loses every week like I have done in the past! I am just going to follow the program to the best of my ability and work out and I know it will all come off in time, and if I "mess up" and dont eat right..so what! I just get right back on it and dont look back!

God Bless!

Too Long

WOW! Its been forever and way to long since I have been on here! I hate it when I let life get in the way and take control! I need to be in control not let life run me...so to catch up since the last time I was on here....
We got all moved! I love the new house even though square footage is less than the other house I really like this house much better, its warm, inviting and cozy! We have plenty of room for our needs. Even though my treadmills , elliptical and weight machine are in the garage its all good! The garage is actually air conditioned and when I am out there I can concentrate on working out and not looking around the house thinking of all the other things that need to get done...
I started my new job as a special education teacher for a middle school in Saginaw! I LOVE IT!! I have never enjoyed a job so much! I take my last test in November to complete my certification so by the first of the year I can actually start my internship and get full teacher pay! WoHooo!!!
We had a heart breaking event in the family just as I was starting the new job! Bruce's grandma went to be with Jesus! I loved her so dearly and I miss her so much not a day goes by that I dont think of her and look forward to the day I see her again! I know her long passed husband was thrilled to welcome her to heaven on that August day and I know Grandma was smiling as she went! God Bless!
I have some major thyroid tests coming up soon. In October I see the surgeon for a Thyroid sonagram to look for any remaining mass in my throat. In December I have a week long of tests 2 days of labs and thyroid injections, one day of radiation pill ( just a small one that will be undetectable so I wont be radioactive like before) then the big test the full body scan! Both my doctors are sure these tests will all be negative but its a process I have to go through! recently I had labs and they were very PLEASED with the results all my levels are back to normal and the tumor test was undetectable!!! Praise God!
I am so blessed and each and every day I can feel the Lord working in my life, and his blessings are truly coming through for us when we need them! God is good! Its taken me a while but I have finally gotten to the point in my relationship with God that I can just let go and let God! I no longer feel the stress and anxiety and pressures of life and let them get to me! When I start to feel that devil I just stop whatever it is I am doing and pray and turn it all over to God!! Let go and let God! God Bless!

A House

Well finally! we have a new home...sort of! LOL We just werent having much luck with finding what we liked to buy..appartently God is not ready for us to buy yet our house is not ready for us! So we decided to look for a new home to rent that would be cheaper than the one we are currently in. We found one! 400 bucks cheaper a month and a bigger yard for the boys to run in. Its still a 3 bedroom and 2 bath like the one we are in now, plus with this one we are going to convert the garage into another room as well for more space. No carpet! which for me is a BIG thing!! With 3 dogs around carpet is not a good thing! Its not in an area where we would like to stay but for the short time its good! Plus the owners are letting us rent month to month so we are not stuck in a year lease! I am packing now and have about half of the house packed. We start moving on the 1st of August and hope to make the final move of big stuff by the 11th. I am going to unpack as we move things instead of moving everything all at once then unpacking..we did that when we moved to Texas and I hated it...too much and too overwhelming! God is at work this week first the house them today I got some good news about a job I applied for, nothing official on it yet but very promising..hope to report that to you all in the next few days! for now its back to packing....

A Dog's Life

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. When it's in your best interest, practice obedience. Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps and stretch before rising. Run, romp and play daily. Thrive on attention and let people touch you. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass. On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout ...run right back and make friends. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you've had enough. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Another deal goes BUST!

Apparently God does not want us to own a house! We have had two different deals on different house not work out in the past several months. On both places I was excited and talked about the house telling everyone all about it what it had this and that...well this time on this third house I kept my mouth shut! I talked to noone about any details of the house where its at or nothing. I just talked to God about it everyday several times a day! Well tonite we have ran out of options on this one as well! Unless we can come up with 5,000 dollars to close on we are out again. We dont have 1,000 right not let alone 5. And I for one dont know anyone that does have it! I cant stop crying! I just feel so depressed, frustrated and feel like a failure! Why cant we get this to work, dont we deserve to live in a house of our own!? A place to do with what we want and have plenty of room for the boys to run. Well, for whatever reason, its not in Gods plans. Am I really that bad that I cant even be blessed with a home!? I am just going to end this right here because I just cant seem to find words to really express how I am feeling and I cant even seem to find strength in God right now and that worries me!

God is like...Television commercials

God is like...Television commercials

A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results: scroll down.
God is like.
BAYER ASPIRIN
He works miracles.

God is like.
a FORD
He's got a better idea.

God is like.
COKE
He's the real thing.
(This is great)

God is like.
HALLMARK CARDS
He cares enough to send His very best.

God is like.
TIDE
He gets the stains out that others leave behind.

God is like.
GENERAL ELECTRIC
He brings good things to life.

God is like.
SEARS
He has everything.

God is like.
ALKA-SELTZER
Try Him, you'll like Him

God is like.
SCOTCH TAPE
You can't see Him, but you know He's there.

God is like.
DELTA
He's ready when you are.

God is like.
ALLSTATE
You're in good hands with Him.

God is like.
VO-5 Hair Spray
He holds through all kinds of weather.

God is like.
DIAL SOAP
Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?

God is like.
the U.S. POST OFFICE
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.

God is like.
Chevrolet. . .the heart beat of America

God is like
Maxwell house. .
Good to the very last drop

God is like.
B o u nt y . . . .
He is the quicker picker upper. .can handle the tough jobs. . and He won't fall apart on you

The Ordained and the rain!

Well it started out blue sky and sunshine here in Texas this morning! But apparently July is starting where June left off..with the rain! I woke up this morning not wanting to get out of bed and get ready for church I kept thinking hey I can just stay at home and watch it on the internet..but then I thought no get up and GO! So i got up and showered and dressed then when making breakfast Bruce was like I have so many things to do today lets safe the drive time and stay home and watch church on the internet! UGH! I told him NO WAY! After showering and all we were going! So we did! and we are very happy we did! Pastor George and Pastor Terri (Kenneth Copeland's daughter) have been on vacation so their son Jeremy has been filling in and giving the services the last few weeks! He is great I really enjoy listening to Jeremy! He is the oldest of all the Copeland grandchildren. Anyway to day we get there expecting to hear Jeremy again..not the case. The Lord blessed us with Kenneth Copeland himself to give the sermon. Then following a very special event took place. Brother Copeland mention in all his 40 years in the ministry he never pushed his children to preach and never laid hands on them as they were ordained. He wanted them to follow God on their own not his influence. But today for the first time he laid hands on someone in his family to ordain them as a reverend of the ministry...it was Jeremy! I cant even explain it how uplifting and blessed experience it was to watch! But back to the rain....because the sun was shining and we had beautiful blue sky's going into church my brilliant husband decided to leave the truck windows down...despite the fact I told him rain was again in the forecast...well two hours later coming out of church its not only raining but its a freaking down pour! Needless to say the truck seats and dashboard were soaked!! Guess its gives new meaning to the Copeland message of Blessed coming in and Blessed going out! LOL!

Rain Rain Go Away!

I seriously think I need to trade my truck in for a boat~! It has rained for nearly 90 percent of the days in the last 3 months here! And this week...every day!! Non stop! Lots of roads are flooded and its so gloomy and depressing! Every day I have my kids at work sing the song rain rain go away....LOL..we are tired of having to stay inside all the time and not having recess...Guess it could be worse! Last year we couldn't go outside because of ozone warnings it was dangerous to breathe the air! Not this year! Anyway..don't know if its the rain or what but even though I am feeling better I am still really tired and worn out! I see the oncologist on Monday so I am hoping he can increase the synthroid and that will help! The house...what a stressful process! We are looking into financing right now and praying we can get something to work out on that end! The house I mentioned before already has a contract on it but we have found another one that we like! I am not even going to talk about it or describe it until I know more on the financing issue! Every time I get excited about a house and start talking about it and planing what to do with it something falls through..so this time! nothing..will give details later for now I am concentrating all my strength into praying about it~its another lazy rainy Saturday here so I guess I am going to just go curl up with a good book to read..well as soon as I get my lesson plan done for next week! wohooo! only 4 days next week! Just wish the holiday was Friday or Monday not a Wednesday! That bites! LOL!

Dare to hope..again!

OK so over the past several months Bruce and I have debated back and forth on weather to look for a house to rent or if we wanted to buy! A friend of his at work a few months ago bought a house and wanted Bruce to come inspect it. I went along for the ride. I LOVED this house. Its a nice 5 bedroom with large room,large spacious living room, two decks on the back of the house both with sliding glass doors, nice size kitchen with large walkin storage. All the bedrooms have walk in closets and the master bathroom has shower and jacuzzi tub. Its in the country a corner lot on one acre of land..lots of privacy and tons of room for the boys to run! Well it turned out his friend had to back out of the deal so we were looking at renting it from the other buyer, and that deal feel through. So we let it go and kept looking,well about a month later this house was brought to our attention again! But as the first time the deal did not go through! Out a second time and I am devasted as I mentioned I love this house. So again I just told my self it wasnt meant to be its not in Gods plan! WELL, here we are again! A third time , third times the charm right!? This time we are actually looking into buying it ourself! I am soooo trying not to get my hopes up because I have been dissapointed already twice but then I keep think why would God keep leading down this same path time after time if we were not meant to be there!? Is this our blessing? dare I hope that it works out this time? Anyway I just keep praying about it and if it is meant to be than its meant to be. I know somewhere there is a house out there that is meant to be our blessing. For some reason God keeps leading us back to this same house! Is his our blessing? Just wish I knew what his plan is for us! But dont we all wish to know those plans......

Catch up

I feel like I havent posted in forever! Its been a week! WOW! I spent the weekend in Kansas with my parents, it was a surprise that we were coming there for my Dads surgery. I rang the doorbell instead of just walking in. My dad answered the door and I thought he was going to have a heart attack right there. Bruce had to catch him from falling over he was so shocked to see us!! I think he was very happy to see us there! After getting back to Fort Worth one of the boys, Gunner was showing abnormal signs, he wasnt eating or showing any interests in any of his favorite toys and was not his normal perky high energy self. Bruce took him to the vet and they kept him over night for observation. His platelets are low which is a sign of some sort of infection and he was constipated! Poor puppy had an enema! He lost 3 pounds!! WOW! He was full of sh%%! LOL So now he is on antibotics and has to go back next week for checkup! Today he is acting full of energy again so I think he is feeling better! I am back to work! I am so exhausted when I get home but not just drained out completly like before so its getting better and I am feel stronger each day. i still crash out when I can but I am waking up easier! I feel like my life is getting back to normal and the cancer thing is almost behind me!! God is good!
I'm Blessed

The next step

Well here it is! No more surgeries! No more radiation. I had a test last week that was showing abnormal stuff in my lungs. Both of my drs thought it was nothing to worry about but of course I still worried what if the cancer had spread? The surgeon explained that many times in cancer patients test will show false positives because your entire system is all messed up! But to make sure they run other tests. I had a CT scan of my lungs yesterday! The news today was it is clear and normal! No cancer! Last weeks test was a false positive! So I am officially out of treatment stage and into regulation stage. Which basically means for the next 2 or 3 months its lots of blood test to determine the correct dosage of Synthroid I will need to have to keep my levels normal. I have a follow up test in 6 months then one a year after that for about 5 or 6 years! Wohooo!! I feel, not that I doubted that God has truely answered my prayers and I can now concentrate on getting my "normal" life back. Although I have been released to sleep in the same bed with my husband I am still to radioactive to be around small children for at least the rest of this week. Even though I was disappointed it had turned out that too is a blessing from God! That has allowed us to go back to Kansas this week. Since I cant go to work until next week, Bruce has taken off Thursday and Friday so we can drive back! Thursday my Dad is having shoulder surgery and because of his heart it is a little risky. In all the years of his problems I have NEVER been away when he had surgery I have always been there with my mom. And now God has provided us with the opportunity to be able to be there again! God is Good!! Again I hear in my head over and over the saying I posted the other day Let go and let GOD! He is truly in charge!

I'm Blessed

Wanted to share this

This is from The Daily Word for Weight Loss by Collen Zack & Elaine Meyer.... part of a page called: Let Go & Let God. It seems to be a perfect way for praying for solutions, healing and/or forgiveness.

When someone or some situation seems to be getting me down, I bless the person and the situation and turn everything over to God, saying: "Dear God, I don't know the answer to this challenge, but You do. So I am going to give it to You for a divine solution, knowing that You will let me know what You can do through me and others to heal the situation." . . . . . . . . . .

Let Go and Let GOD! I love that!

As the saga continues

Sometimes I wonder if it will ever end! I am still at home and sleeping alone! Yesterday may radiation levels were down but still not enough! At close range I am still putting out too much to be around children so I still can not go to work! I resurvey AGAIN! Monday so the earliest I can go back to work now is Tuesday! So frustrating! Even though we were told that Bruce and I could sleep in the same bed we were warned not to "cuddle" to closely for long time. Well, since we both have the habit of cuddling up in our sleep without knowing it we decided as much as it killed me that it was safer to wait a few more days! So I continue to go to bed at night alone with out my husband or my boys! The boys too have a tendency to cuddle up on the bed so I dont want them in the room either for their safety. I started Synthroid yesterday too. Even though I am still very tired and sleep more than I am awake when I am awake I am awake not drozy or foggy I am more alert. So I guess it a good thing, its slowly getting better! One step at a time right! Even though I want to take 4 giant steps ahead I cant I have to take one slow step at a time! But hey its a step ahead not back! So at least I am heading in the right direction!
I'm Blessed

Testing 1-2-3

Its been a LONG week! And its still not over! Testing 1: Tuesday I went in for the radioactive survey and only partially passed. At a distance my levels are good and I go into public and have casual contact, but at close I am still radioactive which means I still can not go to work because I work with kids upclose and I still have to sleep alone without my husband or dogs! I keep telling myself its better than the alternative as chemo/radiation and being sick and losing my hair but that doesnt help me much at night when I have to go to bed alone when I need the comfort from my husband the most! Testing 2: Was today at Arlington Cancer Center for the thyroid cell scan, this shows if the radiation went all to the thyroid area or other places in my body that may contain cancer. Painless procedure just very nerve racking to know that there may be other areas containing cancer still. The test is over but now I have to wait until Monday afternoon to get the results from it. I guess the biggest concern is "sometimes" thyroid cancer cells go to lymph nodes to and in some cases they need removed to depending on the situation I guess. Testing 3: Tomorrow (Thursday) I go back for another radiation scan to check the up close range again although I was told yesterday that more than likely I wont be able to go back to work until Monday! Ugh! I know I should just relax and concentrate on getting healthy! Good news is I can start synthyroid tomorrow morning so soon I will start getting some energy back on the road to normalacy again. Since Friday I have slept about 90 percent of day and night! Its the only thing I seem to want to do right now is sleep!! Of course the doctors are yeah so sleep its normal it will get better! I guess the best news no matter the outcome of the radioactive test tomorrow is I am clear enough to at least go to church this coming up weekend, we havent been able to go the last 2 weeks and I am so ready to go back! Looking forward to it! Now however its time for another nap!
I'm Blessed

Lady and the Boys

We are doggy sitting this weekend! Losy timing since I have to limit my time around them but we couldnt say no to Greg and Stephanie, they have done so much for us, for me the past few months. They have two dogs Lady and Molly. Molly is just a puppy, we agreed to take her even though I am really not to be around puppies just adult dogs, Greg and Steph were aware of the possible side effects but just couldnt find anyone else to take her. I had alot of anxiety about hurting the puppy someway with radiation. 10 minutes before Greg left home last nite to bring them over he found some one to keep Molly! Thank God! I was so worried about it. So we just have Lady, who you can tell by the name is a female dog. One female with my three boys! Oh boy!! LOL! They have all met before so we really didnt expect any major issues but its been interesting! She is on their territory but seems to be in control..! Max is old and grumpy and just doesnt care as long as she stays away from his tennis balls and his food dish. Good thing Lady perfers chew ropes I guess as opposed to tennis balls! LOL Max cherishes his tennis balls wont even let Blaze or Gunner have them! Blaze keep showing interest in her and wanting to play with her but anytime he gets near her she growls and he backs down. Hangs his head walks away like well ok then if you want to be that way about it! Which is too funny since Blaze is a good foot taller and about 40 pounds heavier than Lady! Poor Gunner! He really wants to play play play!! Finally a dog his size and age but now that he has seen what she does to Blaze, Gunner is scared of her! Thats my Gunner shy and timid! So I guess its safe to say that the "bitch" is in control here! LOL! I dont know weather to be ashamed of my boys for letting the female come into their territory and take control or be proud of them for showing her respect! LOL! LOL! As long as they all keep getting along I guess its all good!!
On another note in 45 minutes I am out of seculsion! So I can at least start sitting out in the living room with the dogs for some time and tonite can be in the same room with Bruce but just keep a 6 foot distance! Something to look forward to today!

I'm Blessed

Radiation and other news

Well its done and official. I am radioactive. I swallowed a very large blue pill at 10am this morning! For the 48 hours I have to remain totally isolated from everyone. Then after that for the next 4 to 6 days I have to maintain a 6 foot distance from anyone. Blaze and Gunner keep whining at the door and it just breaks my heart to listen to them and not let them in the room with me. But its for their own good if only they could understand that! So today the oncologists tells me that loosing weight right now will be impossible! I thought for sure with this diet I am on I would loose s good amount but he said not to count on it. Not only that but he said it will be weeks if not months before the meds I start next week will be in my system enough to even make weight loss possible! That is sooo frustrating and dissapointing! I know I have to concentrate on my health and being cancer free but loosing weight is also my health right now so its hard not to just let it go. On the good note he did say that once I was on the right dosage of Snythroid and my levels were back to normal with good diet and exercise weight will not fall off but WILL come off probably easier than people with normal thyroids because he is going to keep my levels low as opposed to normal! But thats months away....and all who know me know I am not patient! Lord please grant me patience!! Even though I am complaing and depressed right now I know it will all turn out good and I will be cancer free and I will loose weight because I am blessed! Just having the patience to see it through right now I am struggling with!

I'm Blessed

An Answered Prayer

All the way from Kansas back to Fort Worth I kept thinking of all the things I wanted to write in my blog(when I wasnt sleeping of course..LOL) I had so many things, just being home, grandma, my dad!, everything about the trip! But when I did get to Fort Worth and called my mom to tell her we had made it home OK that all changed nothing else seem to matter more than this! Billy! I have know for sometime now that Billy's days where coming to an end! That dog is so much more than a dog. He has been through everything with my dad for nearly 16 years! At times when the weather was too hot or too cold and dad couldnt go anywhere for days Billy was his only companion and faithful to the end! At one time my dad went NO where with out Billy riding along in the front seat. They were quite a pair. When I got home Saturday and saw Billy my heart just broke I knew his time was now. I picked him up and talked to him told him that is was the most special dog in the world and God was waiting for him to play with the tennis ball. I started praying right then that God would have mercy on Billy and let him go in his sleep at home with dad they way he would want to go and not suffer anymore. Also I didnt want my parents to have to actaully make the decision (although they already had) to put him to sleep. I didnt want that burben on them. I prayed all night and first thing Sunday morning started praying again. God answered that prayer! When I called Mom to tell her we were home safe she said Billy had fallen asleep in his favorite place and is now at peace! God Bless! My heart is breaking but also is relieved that god answered that prayer! Even though it was and is still hard for my dad to deal with it right now he had already accepted it and was as ready as you can be for that sort of thing, again I thank God for that. I know my dad has said many many times that he would never have another dog after Billy, I hope in a year or so he may change his mind, there is nothing more comforting than the loyality and love of a dog when you are confined to home. I know in the past few months when I have been going through my surgeries and stuff my three boys have been there the whole way cuddling when I need a hug, just present when I dont want to be alone, and holding me up when I am about to fall. Some people may say oh they are just dogs. But to me they are just as important any other family member! God Bless Billy! I love you and miss you!! Have fun in doggy heaven! Just a side note...For the first 4 years of Blaze's life he always went home with me and played with Billy and shared food and toys with Billy. The last 2 years Blaze has not gone because I now have 3 dogs just not one. That is too many puppies in my moms house..LOL! oh poor Billy! Anyway this time when Bruce and I were leaving for Lyons I told him I wanted to take Blaze. I didnt know why it was never an issue before I just felt I needed and wanted to take Blaze. I now believe it was God saying take Blaze so he to has his chance to say goodbye to Billy! Max and Gunner only met Billy once so I guess thats why I didnt feel the same about them going. So we did ! We took Blaze home with us this weekend and I so glad now that I listened to my heart(God speaking to me) and took Blaze!

I'm Blessed

Hunter's Visit

What a blessed day! I got to see Hunter! He was released from the hospital a few days ago. His dad brought him to school this morning for a short visit. He was only allowed to stay for 10 minutes and had to stand in the doorway of the classroom, only me and Sandy could be near him the rest of the kids had to stay about 4 feet back from him to not spread nasty germs! LOL He was in such good spirits (I think he thinks its cool getting all the attention and has no idea how sick he really is) His hands, arms and face are very puffy and his hair is thinning already on spots but other wise he looked great!! He kept pulling down his shirt to show off his "bump" thats what he calls it..its the port for his chemo. He was all smiles and just happy! It was great to see him that way the last imagine of him I had in my head was a very sick little boy, now that has been replaced with his normal cheerful and radiant smile! God Bless for that!
On another note..I am so excited about going home tomorrow! I cant wait to see my dad! I know this trip is going to wear me out and I have to be very careful not to get myself sick as well by over doing it! But I just keep holding on to the fact it will all be over soon! The hardest thing right now for me is going home and trying to be "perky" with lack of other terms to put it in. I dont want my dad to know how tired and run down I really am I think that would just make it worse for him so I am going to take whatever energy I have and act like its all good and let him know I am going to be just fine because I am blessed by God!

Not so hard

Well I have completed day two of the low iodine diet. Its not so bad! Yeah its really restrictive and I am wanting all kinds of things I can not have but its easy to stick to it because I know in this case it is a matter of having cancer or being cancer free..what a motivator! I am not looking forward to the weekend though, thats when I have the hardest time counting points and sticking to things and this weekend its going to be worse because we are going to Kansas to see family. Granted my mom and my mother in law are both going out of their way to have on hand the things I need which of course make me feel bad, I hate it! I know they are doing it out of love and support for me but I hate that they have to go buy things they will probably never use again and spend money that they neither one have on me, makes me feel so guilty! I am sooooo looking forward to going home to see my mom and my dad, I start crying everytime I think about seeing my dad. I havent seen him since I was diagnosed! as well I am looking forward to seeing my mother in law and grandma! Grandma searched all day today to find a cake or cookie recipe that she could make for me that had no eggs or dairy or salt in it! God bless that women! Yeah she is technically Bruce's grandma but she is mine too! Thank God for her one more reason to show how blessed I am! Well I have been running on fumes most of the day, every day gets harder and harder I am so tired, but the good days are just around the corner, on that note I am going to bed!
I am Blessed

M-O-T-H-E-R

M is for the Many ways she shows her love
O is for how Often she help
T is for the Terrific times we share
H is for the Happiness she brings her family
E is for Every special day with her
R is for the Really nice things about her

M-O-T-H-E-R is a special word and that word means LOVE!

I'm Blessed

A step in the right direction

Went to me Weight Watchers meeting today! With much surprise I lost 1.2 pounds! Not enough to get me back to where I was before I gained a bunch last week but it is in the right direction so I am pleased with that. Tomorrow I start the low iodine diet. I am sure I will lose weight while on it I almost have to considering what I will be eating or lack of what I will be eating.
The latest news on Hunter(see post titled Hunter) is that he will start chemo as soon as he over the pnumonia he has. He will not be returning to school for a long time, they are estimating that he will be doing chemo for nearly 2 years! He will have to be home schooled for now. A take a look at what this poor child is going through and will be facing and I reflect on it and praise God for the blessing that I dont have to face those mountains that Hunter is. I wish with all I have that Hunter did not have to as well, but for what ever reason it is Gods plan. I am truly blessed! I have the best parents in the world and even though I am 38years old I am still their "little girl" and know I can looked to them for anything I need. I have been blessed with the greatest husband in the world who would literally change the world for me if it was within his power. Just as I had given up on ever finding someone to spend my life with God sent me this wonderful man! I have the most amazing family my brother Mike, my sister in law Lisa, my nephews Trey and Con, my cousin Cheryl who again I know would do anything for me if I asked. I am blessed with them as they are blessed as well. My friends Becky(even though at times she threatens to kick my you know what..LOL) Shawna, Stephanie, Greg, Becki..all have been so supportive and encouraging when I needed it! They all make me feel loved and truely blessed. Thank you God!

I'm Blessed

So far so good!

I restarted WW again on Sunday and so far its going good! I have stayed with in my points everyday and I worked out Monday and Tuesday. I havent worked out yet tonite but I plan to as soon as I done here on the computer. I got the radiation schedule in the mail today..man for the next 4 weeks I will be doing nothing but going to the Doctor it seems...13th I have to start that low iodine diet(yum yum) 17th I have to do lab that pretty much tests my blood for everything under the sun! 23rd is radiation day at 10am...then my week long seclusion begins! I am so not looking forward to this I cry everytime I think about it. Not only can I not sleep in the same bed as my husband but the boys cant even sleep with me. I have not slept alone in so many years I dont know if I can will be able to now. 29th they do a radiation survery to see how much radiation is still in me. 30th I have to go to Arlington to the cancer center for a full body radiation scan..this is new to me so I will be calling the Dr. tomorrow to find out what the heck this is. Then June 4th at 2pm I see Dr Ammoson(oncologists) follow up and 4pm the same day I see Dr Elliott(surgeon) They will be working together to get me started on Synthroid then turn it over to Dr Addy my regular Dr. After the 4th its weeks and weeks...into possible months of lab works as well. Sound exciting doesnt it!? I can hardly wait..OK I know I sound negative about the whole thing I am trying not to and keep praying to God for strength and guidance to get through it. Right now I just cant see the end of the long road ahead so it feels helpless...I feel helpless and scared and come the week of radiation you can add lonely to the list I am sure. I am not asking anyway to feel sorry for me I know this whole thing could be so much worse than it is I am the lucky one I have a cancer that easily treated and cured but I still have cancer and its scary and overwhelming most days, even when I pray I feel the release of it all but then when I least expect it it all comes back with a vengence. God Please help me I need your strength to get through this. I keep getting referred back to the old saying of Footprints in the Sand..even though there is only one set of footprints I know God is there with me carrying me through this.

I am Blessed!

A new focus

So I went to WW today knowing I would have a gain! In the past I would have either not gone at all or would have gone to the meeting but not weigh in. Today I went and I weighed in. Yes I gained, gained 4 pounds in fact! After the meeting I was talking to a WW member her name is Jeanne. She said 5 years ago she was going through chemo and radiation for breast cancer. She said during that time she stayed on the program and worked out when her body would let her. She said during this time she gained weight. She had to realize that being cancer free had to be the focus not weight loss. She stayed on the program she said for two reasons..one it kept her healthier by eating right and two to keep in the habit of counting points. After she was cancer free the weight came off and she never felt better. Staying on the program is what helped her the most she said. My new focus for the next several weeks is not weight loss it is healthy mind and body by eating right and limiting exercise to 20 minutes on treadmill or ellipitcal each day and 20 minutes of easy strength training/pilates, focusing on stress relieve and toning body to loose inches not so much the weight.
Thought of the day from Renny at WW: Though you cant go back and make a brand new start, you can tart now and make a brand new ending~!

I am BLESSED

Hunter

Why God? I know everything happens for a reason. I know everything has a purpose. And I know its all a part of Gods plan and is meant to be! That being said what is Gods plan for Hunter. Hunter is a little boy in my class. He will be 5 years old in August. The last 2 weeks he has been sick off and on. He has asthma and has been needing more and more breathing treatments throughout the day while at school, the doctors at one point where concerned about his heart as well. His parents are VERY young and have no insurance so they have not been able to afford to do some of the testing the doctors wanted to do. Now they have no choice. Tuesday afternoon Hunter walked up behind me pulling on my shirt, I looked down at him his face was pale his lips where purple and he was gasping for air. I yelled down the hall for help someone came and got him and took him to the office right away for a breathing treatment and to call his dad. Wednesday morning when Hunters dad brought his little sister to school he told us that over night Hunter was admitted to Cooks Children Hospital. Today they got the news that Hunter had Lukemia. I completly fell apart when I heard this today. He is 5! what purpose does God have for a child of any age to have this sickening disease. Dont get me wrong I am not questioning Gods plan or doubting him in any way, I just dont understand! For now I guess all I can do is pray for Hunter, his sister Hailey and his parents. God Bless Hunter! and please God whatever it is you have planned for Hunter dont let him suffer!

I am Blessed

Emotional Eating

I have been SOOOOOOOOOO out of control this week! I can not stop eating and making very bad decisions on what I do eat. I had the emotional eating under control and I was in control of it until 2 weeks ago. The stress and anxiety of all the surgeries, the fact that I have cancer, and the radiation still ahead has totally unraveled my life. Come Saturday when it is time to weigh in I will so pay for those decisions I know I will have a gain this week. Sunday I am restarting and taking back that control. Its too late to do anything about it now to stop a gain from happening on Saturday so I am just going to ease my way back into and keep praying to God for guidance and strength. Of couse in another week I will have no choice anyway because I will have to be on the low iodine diet before and after radiation. I have also let the fatigue take control this week and havent worked out at all I have been in bed by 830pm slept all night and still wake up tired. I just have to see it through the doctors said it will be this way until I can start snythroid after radiation. So along with taking back the control of eating on Sunday I am also making a commitment to workout even if it is just 20 muinutes a day I have to do something. Bruce says not to that I need to conserve my energy. But there is no energy to conserve so I might as well just push through the tiredness and keep going, even if I fall on my face out of exhaustion. I was so excited about starting to run again not the thought of running makes me want to fall down and cry. I am getting a new treadmill in the next 2 weeks so I may just wait until I get that one before I start because it it a totally different one than the one I have and may have different effect on how and run and the energy for it. Now I have to go take a nap before I have to go back to work.....God please bless me with the energy to get through this day and to get my life back!

I am Blessed!

Radiation

Well I saw the radiation oncologists today! It really drove home the fact that I have cancer! A real eye opener. Not only did we discuss the cancer, the radiation, the after radiation steps but also he gave me information for the Thyroid Cancer Survivors Support Group. Not sure if I will look into this, really not wanting to at the moment but that just may be a little denial still. Time will tell I may find it useful but for now I am just putting my faith in God! So here it is ...I start a low iodine diet on the 13th, do lab work on the 17th to see if my TSH levels are high enough for treatment. The DR seems to think I will be ready by then, if so then I take the radiation on May 23. For a week I have to be somewhat isolated! I cant be around children so I wont even be able to go to work. I cant even be around my husband for more than 30 minutes at a time and even then I have to be at least 6 feet apart. We have to sleep in seperate rooms, I have to use different bathroom and wash my laundry seperate from his for this week. This is going to KILL me! I hate thinking about it, especially sleeping in different rooms for a week! The DR wasnt too sure about exposure to the dogs so we are doing some research on that. He said if they were puppies I would have to stay away from them too but as adult dogs he thinks its ok but we are checking into it! A whole week without Bruce or the Boys I cant even think about it without crying. Enough about that for now...I have a dear dear friend Crystal that is having cancer issues as well. Her dog Sarah she has had for nearly 9 years has cancer in her nose the vet gives her about 3 months there is nothing they can do for poor Sarah. I know how I would feel if that was one of my boys so I know Crystal is dieing inside right now knowing what is ahead for Sarah! My prayers are with them! Even more prayers are going out for my darling nephew Conner! He has had some heart related issues of late and is having to wear a heart moniter for a while. He is only 8 years old no child should have to experience something like this. As unfair and cruel as it is I know its part of Gods plan and there is a reason. I have faith that it will all turn out and Conner will be just fine! Why? Because he is Blessed! and God is watching out for him!

I am Blessed!

Small Victory

I went to my weight watchers meeting yesterday! First time in 3 weeks that I have been able to go and weigh in due to surgeries and all that...! I was really expecting to gain weight. With 2 surgeries and all the medications I have been on, and even though most of the time I made good choices there have been many days that the emotions controlled my eating not me controlling my eating. But much to my surprise I lost 1.2 pounds! I was shocked! I started crying. Now many times I have not lost or gained and have gone into the bathroom to cry or called a friend and cried to her out of frustration, but not this time I cried right there in front of everybody and when I explained why I had 3 people out of nowhere just hug me! Now I know 1.2 is not a big accomplishment for a 3 week period but to me it was! So Renny my leader who has know all the time about my cancer and why I have been gone from the meetings made a huge deal of me returning! He is the greatest! He is by far the BEST leader I have ever had in weight watchers. He really cares, he has been sending me emails and even phone calls the last 3 weeks just to keep in touch! After the meeting another lady her name is Kathy came up to and before she even introduced herself she hugged me and said God Bless You! Then she told me she too was a cancer survivor and wanted me to know if she could do anything for me she would! I truly felt loved and blessed yesterday in a room full of people that I dont even know! GOD bless them! I also set my goal weight yesterday! Just 27 pounds to go! This time it WILL stay off! Of course last time I never made it to goal I was 15 pounds away when I stopped. This time it will be different. I so believe in that! Why? Because I am BLESSED! I still have alot of soreness and stiffness in my neck so I think this next week I will stick to walking and add in some strength training and wait one more week on the running. I am learning how to be patient! Lord knows that is not one of my strong points! LOL!

The next phase

Well let's get all caught up here. Wednesday I got in another 20 minutes on the treadmill only this time I walked quite a bit faster actually got my heart rate up. Thursday I had a Dr's appointment to follow up on the surgery and get the next phase in treatment rolling. After the appointment I had to go to lab work again then we went to the grocery store so by the time we got home I was so tired I never made it to the treadmill. Today I plan to do at least 20 minutes again. So the next step in treatment begins Monday. I see a radiation oncologists that afternoon to talk about the radiation treatment what to do, how to do, what to expect and all that. Right now I am so tired I cant stand it. It takes so much energy just to sit here on the computer. I did make through the whole day at work today barely so I guess thats an accomplishment in itself. I am tired of feeling tired. Its been this way for months but when it started I had no idea that I had a tumor let alone cancer. I just chalked it up to having a busy life and stress. My DR assures me that in a few months I feel 100 percent better. I am holding out for that day! Sometimes it is what gets me through the day just knowing it will get better. And on those times when I am so tired and just dont think I can take another step I just stop whatever I am doing pray to GOD for strength and comfort to get me through. It always works! I am so looking forward to this weekend. Not that I am going to do anything special but the last two weekends I have been in bed recovering from surgery and was not able to go to church. I am going this Sunday no matter what! On another good note and answers to some prayers. I thought today my parents were going to have to put their dog to sleep. Poor Billy has been having difficulty standing and get falling down when he tries to stand. Mom took him to the vet today with the expectation that the vet would say it is time, but he didnt! He said overall Billy is a very healthy dog. OLD but healthy. He thinks the problem is just servere arthritus so they started Billy on some meds to help him. Mom seems to think they are already working. Thank GOD! That dog mean everything to my Dad, it would destroy him to have to put Billy to sleep! They were blessed to day in not having to take that step.

Blessed Be

Day one!

Well I have survived day one back into the normal routine. I got up this morning and went to work. I made it through the whole day, well most of the whole day. I got off an hour early but that wasnt due to me it was due to weather. We are having some nasty thunderstorms/tornados and many parents elected to pick up their children early today. I even managed to walk 20 minutes on the treadmill tonite as well. OK so 20 minutes isnt a lot in the grand scheme of workouts but today for me 20 minutes was a huge success. Yes, I am tired, actually I am exhausted. But with each day it will get better and better. I am hoping that after I see Dr. Elliott on Thursday he will let me start doing more than just walk I am ready to start running again. Tomorrow the surgical tape on my incision comes off so I will have mobility back in my neck so later this week I hope to start doing strength training again as well. One thing I have learned in the last few weeks is there is always time for things you think you have no time for. For instance simple things like reading a good book. It never seems like I have "time" to relax and read because there is something to due or somewhere to go! I have learned there is time you just have to take it. Like tonite my dishwasher needs unloading and the carpet needs vacumed. But instead of doing those things like I normally would have I am going to go lay in bed and read that good book.

Blessed Be

I have..what??

Well its taken me a few days to get back here. Why? Because I had to admit something to myself first. Here it goes. I have cancer! I found out on Wednesday last week. The first 2 days it didn't even sink in I dont know if I was just denying it or what. It wasnt until Friday at the hospital when I was getting ready for the second surgery that it sunk in I had cancer. Of course the nurses and Dr kept reminding me of it as well so maybe thats why it finally hit home. And now here I am preparing to go on a special diet for a few weeks in preparation for radiation. I have cancer! Even though I can say it and admit it now it still doesnt seem real. Will it ever? In a few months I can say I am a cancer survivor instead!

Blessed Be

My Boys, My Blessing, My Angel, My Rock

My Boys, yes they are dogs, but to me they are way more than that! They each has served a greater purpose in my life and the last week its been even more pronounced then ever. Blaze is my protector. This past week he has not left my side he his always near me and at times when I am feeling bad and don’t want to be touched he has stood guard and has not let anyone near me. A few days ago I was home alone and I was at the sink brushing my teeth when I started to feel dizzy before I knew it Blaze was there pushing against my legs holding me up. Yet on the other hand he also knows when I need the others too and lets them in. Yesterday after I talked to Dr Elliott and found out my tumor was cancer I sat on the edge of the bed crying when I looked down I had three beautiful faces in my lap starring up at me. Max is my therapist. He is always there to listen when I need to talk and no one else is around. He sits quietly and intently looking at me as if he understands then reaches out to me with a paw (I think he is begging for a belly rub at that point) No matter what bothers me I know Max will always listen and not judge. Gunner is my comforter, always there when I need to cuddle. Normally Gunner is full steam ahead and makes a game of it jumping on me rolling around on the bed and flopping down hard before settling in for the cuddling. This last few days he has been different he has slowly crawled up in the bed and gently laid beside me for the cuddling. These boys mean more to me than I can ever put into words.

My Blessing. Happened yesterday. When Bruce has needed to call his manager at work in the past he has never been able to get through to her he has just had to leave voice mail for her. Yesterday when I needed Bruce to come home after talking to Dr Elliott I had to call his manager. She answered the phone on the first ring, had Bruce on the phone in about 10 seconds and he was home with me 15 minutes later. God was directing that phone call and made sure his manager was available to answer it when it rang! That’s a blessing.

My Angel. Dale Weldy is his name! He is my angel! When Bruce called him a few weeks ago and asked him if he could bring my mom to Texas from Kansas, Dale was there! No questions no hesitations he just did it! He brought my mom here to be with me during the surgery then took her back to Kansas a few days later. Dale did not only drop everything else to do this for me one time he has done it twice in less than a weeks time. He is truly an angel to me to make that happen! God bless you Dale! Without him I would not have had my mom here with me.

My Rock. Simple. My husband! Through it all he hasn’t waivered. He has not only taken care of me when I needed it he has seen to it all the insurance and financial issues have been taken care of. God has blessed me by given me this man to love. He is my steady and constant rock when I am on the edge. This man is my life I live for him and I thank God every single day for bringing us together. I honestly don’t know how I would get through this all without him by my side! My rock My love! I may have listed him last in this writing but he is far from last. He is first, middle and last and everything in between.

I am truly a blessed person with many family and friends I have in my corner right now, Bruce,my parents, Lynda, Dorothy,Mike, Lisa, Treyton, Conner, Tonya, Becki, Becky, Shawna, Cheryl, Sandy, Jennifer, Dale, Greg, Stephani, Nancy, Perry, my entire pre-k class that I went to visit with yesterday. Have you ever had 25 4 and 5 year old rush to hug you at the same time? Its an awesome feeling of love, it’s a blessed feeling. Every night when I go to bed I praise God for Bruce and every morning I wake up next to him I praise God. Simply stated on a quilt he bought for me on our first valentines day together 2 years ago has so much more meaning to now. “we may not have it all together but together we have it all” I read that quilt hanging in our living room everyday and reflect on how true it is! He is my soulmate, my rock that can not be destroyed by anything ever! Why? Because I am BLESSED!

Second surgery

Well things are not going so good! I got up to back to work on Tuesday and I was dizzy almost passed out in the bathroom and was running a temperature. SO instead of going to work my husband took me to the DR. I have a sinus infection. Due to the recent surgery he put me on some serious antibotics and told me not to go to work until next week(working with pre-k age kids he said is too many germs floating around..LOL) Then today the surgeon calls to report to that the tumor was cancerous. So I am now scheduled to have a second surgery to remove the rest of my thyroid this Friday (20th) Then sometime after that I will have a radiation treatment that targets only thyroid cells. So its been a really rough week but next week will be better!

Out Voted

Well I really wanted to go to church yesterday but my mother and my husband ganged up on me and wouldn't let me go. So I slept most of the day instead. I wasn't in as much pain yesterday as the day before but I was very very tired. Its even better today but I still feel weak. Mom went back to Kansas yesterday and my husband went to work this morning I am shocked he would trust me to stay home by myself! LOL! I gonna take it easy today and hopfuly go back to work tomorrow and start walking a little this week hopefully by end of the month I can start running again!

Surgery

This will be brief as I don't have much energy to sit at the computer just yet. Had my surgery yesterday it went as planned no problems. The doctor was confident enough that the tumor is not cancerous so he only removed the left side. He said if he had any doubts or concerns he would take the whole thyroid just to be safe but that was not the case. My voice nerves were not damanged either so all went well! I am very sore and tired. It hurts from my ears to the middle of my chest and it really hurts when I swallow. I have pretty much no energy but thats to be expected for a few days. I am hoping to be able to go to church tomorrow, I may end in bed the rest of the day after that but it will be worth it to go to church I think. I truely feel blessed right now!

Blessed Be

Surprise!

I have the most wonderful husband! I am surgery tomorrow and the thing I wanted more than anything was to have my mom here with me! But because my Dad can't travel this far and I did not want her driving that far by herself it just wasn't possible! So I thought! Bruce arranged to have it happen!! His best friend Greg lives near us but his Dad who has always been a father figure to Bruce lives in Kansas. So Bruce called Dale asking him if he was coming this way anything soon to visit Greg! When Dale found out that Bruce was wanting him to drive my Mom here to be with me for the surgery Dale never hesitated! He just asked when does she need to be there! Last nite Bruce comes home from work and tells me my late birthday present had just been delivered and was sitting outside by the front door. I go out to open the door and my Mom is standing there! I SCREAMED and CRIED for 30 minutes hugging my mom, Bruce and Dale! Dale is hanging out at Greg's until Sunday then will take my mom back home then! And that's not all. Bruce called my principal last week asking her if she could arrange to have a sub in my class today so I culd ahve the day off to spend with my Mom! Everyone at work knew about it and no one told me! So we spent the day shopping at Grapevine Mills Mall and just hanging out! I am so Blessed to have this man in my life!!

Blessed Be!

My First One...

This is my first ever online journaling! Its kinda weird putting this on the web for anyone to see but here it goes. Last night my wonderful husband had a late birthday surprise for me. We went to see a play production of The Pirate of Penzance. It was awesome! I had a really good time, but man am I tired today! We got home really late and of course I had to get up early to get to work. But it was worth it! Friday I am having surgery to have a tumor removed from my thyroid. I am so scared but I know its all in GODS hands and it all will be fine. I am looking forward to after surgery to be able to get back to working out and to start running again! I have really missed it and really want to get back to be active. I signed up today for walking challenge online that starts in May. Its a 8 week program where you entire your steps/time of activity on line daily and its charts your distance you walk across country. I thought it would be cool to do it just to see how far I would get across country!

Blessed Be