Another Funeral

My Uncle Vance passed away. Actaully I have known for a fwe days now but jut couldnt bring myself to post here. I have had a long talk on the phone with my cousin Cheryl, yet I feel so torn and feel like I am letting her down so how. The funeral is Saturday. So in all reality I could drive to Kansas after work Friday, go the funeral Saturday, then come back home on Sunday and not miss any work. But I am not. I want to be there for her and her brothers as they were for me when my dad passed. But I can't. I told Cheryl several reasons, 1)money it always tight and right now its especially tight from our 2 week stay in Kansas already. So making another trip would really hurt the pocket book. 2) Mine and Bruce's anniversary is Monday so we had some plans for this weekend(partly for the anniversary and partly he really wants to do something together and for me to have some fun because I haven't had any in a long time). and 3) I emotionally can not handle it right now. And that makes me feel like I am letting my family down, beign selfish and I feel guilty. Of course Cheryl and her brothers are all OK with me not coming home and totally understand and dont even expect me to be there. In part excuses 1 and 2 are just that, excuses to make me feel better for the real reason number 3. I can not deal with it so I am going to avoid it.