A Christmas Story

Two weeks ago on Sunday my mother in law Lynda was walking out of church and found a stray dog running in the parking lot. This was in Wichita, Kansas. She took him,Bentley to the humane society to have him scanned for a microchip because he had no tags. He was chipped! He belonged to a family in Houston Texas. The humane society was trying to figure out how they would get the dogs from Kansas to Texas. Lynda still standing there told them she would be heading to Fort Worth on Wednesday she could take Bentley that far if the Houston family could meet here there! The family, the father Thomas said that Bentley belonged to his 4 year old son Jonathan. They had been in Wyoming for Thanksgiving and stopped in Wichita over night when Bentley escaped and ran off and they could not find him. They were going to get Jonathan a new puppy for Christmas but Jonthan told them no that Bentley was coming home. Three weeks later, he was! Thomas drove to Fort Worth Christmas eve as Lynda drove there as well, we all meet at 9pm Christmas eve to return Bentley back to Jonthan for Christmas. The Wichita news interviewed, filmed and broadcasted it on the evening news. The Fort Worth news was there when we made the exchange to return Bentley and also the Houston news filmed the homecoming! It also was covered and Fox news and CNN news! Thats crazy! Just a heart warming Christmas story I wanted to share!


Wichita News Link : http://www.kwch.com/Global/story.asp?s=9578130



Fort Worth News Link: http://cbs11tv.com/pets/lost.dog.found.2.894735.html

Dallas News Link:http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/fea/pets/stories/122508dntexlost-dog-returns-homekhou.6b7249b.html

Houston Link http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/6181537.html

The Greatest Fish Story Ever

The last day that my daddy went fishing, the day he fell and broke his ribs that started the whole journey to his passing, he caught two little catfish. Not big enough for anything but he kept them and told Turner, his fishing partner that he was going to release them into the pond at the cemetary. Well, it was 3 weeks from the time he fell until he was put into the hospital, then in the hospital for a week and half. ITs been just over 7 weeks since he passed. This past week when cleaning out his truck my brother opened a cooler that was full of water and much to his surprise there were those two little catfish in that cooler and after 2 months they were still alive. Just the most amazing thing to be in that cooler all this time and still alive. So my brother and nephews followed through with what my daddy wanted to do with those fish, they took them to the cemetary pond and set them free! Maybe daddy is out there fishing for them now.

Home Again

Well here it is the saturday before Thanksgivng. I have so many mixed emotions right now about going back home to Kansas. I want to go and am excited to see Mom, my brother, sister in law and nephews! But I do not want to go either. I can not stand the fact that I will be at home and daddy will not be there! Its breaking my heart but I have to face it I know!

So Now What?

Have you ever gotten on of those emails that has about 20 or so questions about yourself, you fill it out and send it out to all your friends. I have gotten them dozens of times. One question on there was always "What is your greatest fear?" My answer has always been the same. My greatest fear is to lose my dad!
So now what!? My greatest fear has come true and I feel like I am living that fear over and over every day.

Another Funeral

My Uncle Vance passed away. Actaully I have known for a fwe days now but jut couldnt bring myself to post here. I have had a long talk on the phone with my cousin Cheryl, yet I feel so torn and feel like I am letting her down so how. The funeral is Saturday. So in all reality I could drive to Kansas after work Friday, go the funeral Saturday, then come back home on Sunday and not miss any work. But I am not. I want to be there for her and her brothers as they were for me when my dad passed. But I can't. I told Cheryl several reasons, 1)money it always tight and right now its especially tight from our 2 week stay in Kansas already. So making another trip would really hurt the pocket book. 2) Mine and Bruce's anniversary is Monday so we had some plans for this weekend(partly for the anniversary and partly he really wants to do something together and for me to have some fun because I haven't had any in a long time). and 3) I emotionally can not handle it right now. And that makes me feel like I am letting my family down, beign selfish and I feel guilty. Of course Cheryl and her brothers are all OK with me not coming home and totally understand and dont even expect me to be there. In part excuses 1 and 2 are just that, excuses to make me feel better for the real reason number 3. I can not deal with it so I am going to avoid it.

Does it Really get Easier?

I dont think so! It hurts as much today as it did Oct 5th. I talked to a lady at the gym today that I have become friends with. She lost her dad 17 years ago. She said it still hurts just as much today as it did then, the only thing that gets her through the day sometimes is knowing she will see him again, and she said the older she gets the more she looks forward to that day. That thought does bring me some comfort but the pain over loads it still. Today I was in a really good mood at work and was enjoying the kids I was working with at the time, as soon as they were gone and back to class I was sitting at my desk doing paper work and BAM! I lost it and started crying and couldnt stop! No reason, I wasn't even thinking about daddy at the time! I know people say take one day at a time, for me right now its on minute at a time!

Life and Death

So in the past weeks it has seemed to be all about death! My daddy and Uncle Vance, who for now is still alive but being transferred to hospice. Today my cousin Cheryl called with some good news! Her son Christopher is a new daddy to a baby boy! Don't have all the details as far as weight and all that, heck I don't even know his name! LOL!

Feeling Guilty

So I have been thinking about what I will do if Uncle Vance does not make it. A small part of me wants to go back to Kansas for the funeral. Mostly to be support for my cousins that where there for me the last 2 weeks. A bigger part of me doesn't want anything to do with it! I do not nor do I think I can handle a funeral right now. I know my cousins will completely understand. Today on the phone Cheryl told me as much, that my support for her by phone is all she needs and does not expect me or anyone in my family to do more than than because our own pain is still raw. So why do I feel guilty for not wanting to go home!?

Life Totally SUCKS!

My cousin Cheryl called tonight. Her dad my Uncle Vance was in the hospital when my dad was. She is on her way home again, because he is not doign well and is not expected to recover! Cheryl, Ed, Brian and Doug just lost their mom(My dad's little sister) not that long ago. Why is all this happening?? I want to be angry at someone have someone to blame, but I just dont know who that is!? I seem to have lost my way as well! All the time dad was sick and dieing I had awesome faith is His will being done and that daddy would from peace. Since his funeral I have not prayed once, I can still feel His presence but I just cant seem to let the words come. I miss my daddy! If anyone is reading this please pray for my Uncle Vance and family.

Take me Home!?

I went back to work today. I thought it would be a good thing to get back into my normal routine and keep busy. All my friends at work were so happy to see me back and have been amazingly supportive. However, I realized after being there just into the first hour of the day that I did not want to be there. I wanted to be at home in bed alone. That is scarry! I know I need to go on but I dont know how to yet. I feel like my life as ended with my daddy! Bruce reads my emotions so well, and has been there everytime I needed to cry or just needed to have him hold me. Its all been like a really bad movie and the can't shake it from my memory. I have to make myself remember all the good times with my daddy in my childhood, fishing, camping, softball games. My adulthood when he told me how proud he was of me when I graduated college, to have him be able to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. Things I cherish and will never forget but the last memory I have is watching him take his last breathe and I just can't stop reliving it day after day. Part of me feels like I disspointed him, because on that last day he yelled at me and my brother to take him home. I know deep inside of me he was "going home" and that maybe that is what he was talking about, but the outside part that hurts so bad right now feels like I denied him his last request to take him home, back to Lyons.

Numbness

That is all I feel right now..Numb. I keep thinking I may actually start going through the stages of grief any day now but I am not. One minute I am fine as if everything is right in the world and my daddy is alive and just a phone call away. The next minute I am having a breakdown and my heart is breaking. But mostly I just exsist and walk around in a fog not really feeling anything. I want to be sad, I want to be angry but I can't. I know it is said that time heels all pain but right now I can not even begin to imagine that feeling. I love my daddy and miss him so much. The mental picture in my head of watching him in that hospital bed taking his very last breathe wakes me up at night and keeps me awake every night. Its like someone keeps hitting rewind and playing it over and over and it just wont stop and I dont know how to make it stop. My daddy used to tell me that he was too stubborn to die, a part of me always held on to that and believed it. But it wasnt true and now I have to figure out how I am going to go on without him. I cant even bring myself to delete his phone number from me cell phone, like if its still there I can still call him anytime I want, if I delete it that just confirms that he is truly gone. I got to say goodbye, I got to say I love you Daddy, but it just wasnt enough........

4 Sale

Well just when life is going along smoothly something pops up and throws you a curve ball! The house we live in we rent but the owner has given us free reign to do whatever we want to do as long as it improves the property and well not even batting a eye at the fact we have 6 dogs! Well a few weeks ago she calls and wants to know if we are interested in buying the house! We have talked about it in the past because we like the houes and love the neighborhood but never really looked into! Well she wants to sell it! Of couse in the past 2 months we have had some finacial issues arise with the property management business in Kansas that has left us getting by pay check to pay check! I know everyone has been there and I also know it will not be like this forever but infortunetly its comes at time that we may not be able to qualify to buy the house! Bruce has other mortages already on his rentals in Kansas so we would have to qualify to buy a house here totally on my credit and income! The credit is OK and not the problem! Income could be! I DO NOT WANT TO MOVE!! I really like where we live and our neighbors! There are not that many people out there that are willing to rent to people with 6 dogs! This house is perfect for us as far as locations to our jobs, the big yard for the dogs , the price, the rooms/space, no carpet(dog hair issues) I just have to put my faith in God and believe that he will provide for us and most times I do, but sometimes I let those doubts creep in and get me all stressed out about the whole thing! Moving could possibly mean we loose some of the dogs and that for me is NOT an option! We have until the first of the year to make it work! Pray please!

Just another Day

Not too much exciting stuff going on around here! Same old stuff! Another weekend spent working on one of Bruce's remodel jobs! But hopefully rest is in sight! At least for me! LOL A friend of ours has experience in remodel as well and he is going to start helping Bruce on his jobs so I won't have to! yeah! Not complaining really most of the time I don't mind helping but its just not my thing I do not want to do it! So I am happy that Daniel will be helping! We started a vegetable garden this year! Its growing really good! We have corn, green beans, watermelon, lettuce, radish, cucumbers and potatoes. The carrots and celery never grew but everything else is really doing well. I already picked some radishes that were ready and man they were tasty! Cucumbers were growing, but appartenly there was one spot in the fence we built around it that was big enough for little miss Candy Cane to squeeze through! She has a thing for cucumbers because she ate them all! Bruce was mad but I thought it was funny! The fence has been fixed so she cant get it there now! Well I am exhausted from working in the heat all weekend with Buce so I am off to a shower and a good nights sleep, back to summer school tomorrow!

Summer School

I decided to teach summer school this year. Its just 4 hours a day, 4 days a week to two 3 week sessions. So I will still have a big part of my summer off. We are just two days into it and I am loving it! I am working with 6 and 7 year old autistic boys. I have 5 in my class and they are all boys! They are so energetic and full of love! It makes me remember why my place in this world is too work in special ed. There is such a thrill I get from this kids that I just can't explain! Sometimes I think I learn more from them than they do from me! LOL !

Happy Fathers Day

I love living in Texas, 99% of the time! Today I am missing my Dad and wish I could be see him! Happy Fathers Day Daddy! Love you!
Last week I was off work all week, since school is out for the summer! It was so nice, just doing what I wanted and no time schedule to keep. Tomorrow I start my summer teaching job, elementary special ed summer school. I will be working with 5 6 year old autistic boys! I am excited I think it will be fun!
Tyler got to go home and is doing fine! I can't wait to see him for the first time.
Just a lazy Sunday afternoon here, just relaxing and enjoying the day! Its too hot to really go outside and do anything so I am just going to go get my book and read I think!

Pray for Tyler

My new little nephew has not been released from the hospital yet. He had lost over a pound since being born and has a high level of jaundice. I pray that God will heal him and he can go home tomorrow!

FOREVER

Its been forever since I posted on here! I really need to do better! Going to have plenty of time now since school is out for the summer so I am off work!! I am working part time this summer for special ed summer school. Its just 4 hours a day 4 days a week for 6 weeks! So I will still have plenty of time off this summer! I am actually really looking forward to that part time job, I will be working with 6 and 7 year old autistic kids. In all my years of special ed, and all the different disabilities I have worked with if I had to pick one to work with it would be autistic!

I have a new nephew!! Tyler was born June 3. I can't wait to see him, I hope I get the chance soon! I know his big brothers are so excited and are going to be great with him, although I bet Conner bosses him around! LOL!

My plan for the summer is to really focus on me! I am going to workout as much as possible and follow WW and I hope by the time school starts in August I have at least half the weight I want to loose off! I am so determined to do this its scary! I think it comes from that this time last year I had cancer and now I have this drive to be fit and healthy!

The Visit

We had a good time! Saturday when they got here we just kinda chilled out and relaxed and went out for dinner! Sunday we had some issues so they day was kinda of a bust. Mom and I were going to run to Target and the car wouldn't start. At first Dad thought it was the battery, Dad and Bruce messed with it trying to charge it and jump it and it wouldn't start so they went and bought a new one and it still wouldn't start. So after further cussing from dear old Dad, they decided it was the starter. Well the starter in his car is HIDDEN, it took Bruce almost 2 hours to find it and get it out, so then they went and got a new one and Bruce put it in and wham the car started! Wohoo! Thank God Bruce knows how to do that stuff so we didn't have to take it to a mechanic. Well by the time that was done the day was pretty much gone so we just went out for some dinner. Monday I took Mom to Grapevine Mills Mall and Bruce took Dad to Bass Pro Shop. All in all it was a great visit, mostly just time to chill out and spend time together! Dad made the comment a few times that the drive here wasn't all that bad so they will come visit again! YEAH!!

Tomorrow!

Its finally here! Spring break has started and my parents will be here tomorrow! I can't wait!!!

The count down begins!

Wohooo! My parents will be here Saturday(6 days) ! I am still not trying to get to excited in case something happens and they can't come I know thats not being very faithful and believing so I am working on that too! I have my yearly women exam coming up next week and I am a little stressed about that. Not that I think anything is wrong its just last year I went to my yearly appointment and my dr. discovered the lump in my throat and decided my blood pressure was too high so she wanted me on blood pressure meds! Which I am going to try try try to talk her into taking me off of next week. I finally feel like I have my life back on track from the cancer issue and I am doing so well with weight watchers and exercising I am just afraid something is going to come along and mess it up..again I know I have no faith! I need to stop worrying about it all and just believe! Sometimes that is so hard~