Radiation

Well I saw the radiation oncologists today! It really drove home the fact that I have cancer! A real eye opener. Not only did we discuss the cancer, the radiation, the after radiation steps but also he gave me information for the Thyroid Cancer Survivors Support Group. Not sure if I will look into this, really not wanting to at the moment but that just may be a little denial still. Time will tell I may find it useful but for now I am just putting my faith in God! So here it is ...I start a low iodine diet on the 13th, do lab work on the 17th to see if my TSH levels are high enough for treatment. The DR seems to think I will be ready by then, if so then I take the radiation on May 23. For a week I have to be somewhat isolated! I cant be around children so I wont even be able to go to work. I cant even be around my husband for more than 30 minutes at a time and even then I have to be at least 6 feet apart. We have to sleep in seperate rooms, I have to use different bathroom and wash my laundry seperate from his for this week. This is going to KILL me! I hate thinking about it, especially sleeping in different rooms for a week! The DR wasnt too sure about exposure to the dogs so we are doing some research on that. He said if they were puppies I would have to stay away from them too but as adult dogs he thinks its ok but we are checking into it! A whole week without Bruce or the Boys I cant even think about it without crying. Enough about that for now...I have a dear dear friend Crystal that is having cancer issues as well. Her dog Sarah she has had for nearly 9 years has cancer in her nose the vet gives her about 3 months there is nothing they can do for poor Sarah. I know how I would feel if that was one of my boys so I know Crystal is dieing inside right now knowing what is ahead for Sarah! My prayers are with them! Even more prayers are going out for my darling nephew Conner! He has had some heart related issues of late and is having to wear a heart moniter for a while. He is only 8 years old no child should have to experience something like this. As unfair and cruel as it is I know its part of Gods plan and there is a reason. I have faith that it will all turn out and Conner will be just fine! Why? Because he is Blessed! and God is watching out for him!

I am Blessed!

Small Victory

I went to my weight watchers meeting yesterday! First time in 3 weeks that I have been able to go and weigh in due to surgeries and all that...! I was really expecting to gain weight. With 2 surgeries and all the medications I have been on, and even though most of the time I made good choices there have been many days that the emotions controlled my eating not me controlling my eating. But much to my surprise I lost 1.2 pounds! I was shocked! I started crying. Now many times I have not lost or gained and have gone into the bathroom to cry or called a friend and cried to her out of frustration, but not this time I cried right there in front of everybody and when I explained why I had 3 people out of nowhere just hug me! Now I know 1.2 is not a big accomplishment for a 3 week period but to me it was! So Renny my leader who has know all the time about my cancer and why I have been gone from the meetings made a huge deal of me returning! He is the greatest! He is by far the BEST leader I have ever had in weight watchers. He really cares, he has been sending me emails and even phone calls the last 3 weeks just to keep in touch! After the meeting another lady her name is Kathy came up to and before she even introduced herself she hugged me and said God Bless You! Then she told me she too was a cancer survivor and wanted me to know if she could do anything for me she would! I truly felt loved and blessed yesterday in a room full of people that I dont even know! GOD bless them! I also set my goal weight yesterday! Just 27 pounds to go! This time it WILL stay off! Of course last time I never made it to goal I was 15 pounds away when I stopped. This time it will be different. I so believe in that! Why? Because I am BLESSED! I still have alot of soreness and stiffness in my neck so I think this next week I will stick to walking and add in some strength training and wait one more week on the running. I am learning how to be patient! Lord knows that is not one of my strong points! LOL!

The next phase

Well let's get all caught up here. Wednesday I got in another 20 minutes on the treadmill only this time I walked quite a bit faster actually got my heart rate up. Thursday I had a Dr's appointment to follow up on the surgery and get the next phase in treatment rolling. After the appointment I had to go to lab work again then we went to the grocery store so by the time we got home I was so tired I never made it to the treadmill. Today I plan to do at least 20 minutes again. So the next step in treatment begins Monday. I see a radiation oncologists that afternoon to talk about the radiation treatment what to do, how to do, what to expect and all that. Right now I am so tired I cant stand it. It takes so much energy just to sit here on the computer. I did make through the whole day at work today barely so I guess thats an accomplishment in itself. I am tired of feeling tired. Its been this way for months but when it started I had no idea that I had a tumor let alone cancer. I just chalked it up to having a busy life and stress. My DR assures me that in a few months I feel 100 percent better. I am holding out for that day! Sometimes it is what gets me through the day just knowing it will get better. And on those times when I am so tired and just dont think I can take another step I just stop whatever I am doing pray to GOD for strength and comfort to get me through. It always works! I am so looking forward to this weekend. Not that I am going to do anything special but the last two weekends I have been in bed recovering from surgery and was not able to go to church. I am going this Sunday no matter what! On another good note and answers to some prayers. I thought today my parents were going to have to put their dog to sleep. Poor Billy has been having difficulty standing and get falling down when he tries to stand. Mom took him to the vet today with the expectation that the vet would say it is time, but he didnt! He said overall Billy is a very healthy dog. OLD but healthy. He thinks the problem is just servere arthritus so they started Billy on some meds to help him. Mom seems to think they are already working. Thank GOD! That dog mean everything to my Dad, it would destroy him to have to put Billy to sleep! They were blessed to day in not having to take that step.

Blessed Be

Day one!

Well I have survived day one back into the normal routine. I got up this morning and went to work. I made it through the whole day, well most of the whole day. I got off an hour early but that wasnt due to me it was due to weather. We are having some nasty thunderstorms/tornados and many parents elected to pick up their children early today. I even managed to walk 20 minutes on the treadmill tonite as well. OK so 20 minutes isnt a lot in the grand scheme of workouts but today for me 20 minutes was a huge success. Yes, I am tired, actually I am exhausted. But with each day it will get better and better. I am hoping that after I see Dr. Elliott on Thursday he will let me start doing more than just walk I am ready to start running again. Tomorrow the surgical tape on my incision comes off so I will have mobility back in my neck so later this week I hope to start doing strength training again as well. One thing I have learned in the last few weeks is there is always time for things you think you have no time for. For instance simple things like reading a good book. It never seems like I have "time" to relax and read because there is something to due or somewhere to go! I have learned there is time you just have to take it. Like tonite my dishwasher needs unloading and the carpet needs vacumed. But instead of doing those things like I normally would have I am going to go lay in bed and read that good book.

Blessed Be

I have..what??

Well its taken me a few days to get back here. Why? Because I had to admit something to myself first. Here it goes. I have cancer! I found out on Wednesday last week. The first 2 days it didn't even sink in I dont know if I was just denying it or what. It wasnt until Friday at the hospital when I was getting ready for the second surgery that it sunk in I had cancer. Of course the nurses and Dr kept reminding me of it as well so maybe thats why it finally hit home. And now here I am preparing to go on a special diet for a few weeks in preparation for radiation. I have cancer! Even though I can say it and admit it now it still doesnt seem real. Will it ever? In a few months I can say I am a cancer survivor instead!

Blessed Be

My Boys, My Blessing, My Angel, My Rock

My Boys, yes they are dogs, but to me they are way more than that! They each has served a greater purpose in my life and the last week its been even more pronounced then ever. Blaze is my protector. This past week he has not left my side he his always near me and at times when I am feeling bad and don’t want to be touched he has stood guard and has not let anyone near me. A few days ago I was home alone and I was at the sink brushing my teeth when I started to feel dizzy before I knew it Blaze was there pushing against my legs holding me up. Yet on the other hand he also knows when I need the others too and lets them in. Yesterday after I talked to Dr Elliott and found out my tumor was cancer I sat on the edge of the bed crying when I looked down I had three beautiful faces in my lap starring up at me. Max is my therapist. He is always there to listen when I need to talk and no one else is around. He sits quietly and intently looking at me as if he understands then reaches out to me with a paw (I think he is begging for a belly rub at that point) No matter what bothers me I know Max will always listen and not judge. Gunner is my comforter, always there when I need to cuddle. Normally Gunner is full steam ahead and makes a game of it jumping on me rolling around on the bed and flopping down hard before settling in for the cuddling. This last few days he has been different he has slowly crawled up in the bed and gently laid beside me for the cuddling. These boys mean more to me than I can ever put into words.

My Blessing. Happened yesterday. When Bruce has needed to call his manager at work in the past he has never been able to get through to her he has just had to leave voice mail for her. Yesterday when I needed Bruce to come home after talking to Dr Elliott I had to call his manager. She answered the phone on the first ring, had Bruce on the phone in about 10 seconds and he was home with me 15 minutes later. God was directing that phone call and made sure his manager was available to answer it when it rang! That’s a blessing.

My Angel. Dale Weldy is his name! He is my angel! When Bruce called him a few weeks ago and asked him if he could bring my mom to Texas from Kansas, Dale was there! No questions no hesitations he just did it! He brought my mom here to be with me during the surgery then took her back to Kansas a few days later. Dale did not only drop everything else to do this for me one time he has done it twice in less than a weeks time. He is truly an angel to me to make that happen! God bless you Dale! Without him I would not have had my mom here with me.

My Rock. Simple. My husband! Through it all he hasn’t waivered. He has not only taken care of me when I needed it he has seen to it all the insurance and financial issues have been taken care of. God has blessed me by given me this man to love. He is my steady and constant rock when I am on the edge. This man is my life I live for him and I thank God every single day for bringing us together. I honestly don’t know how I would get through this all without him by my side! My rock My love! I may have listed him last in this writing but he is far from last. He is first, middle and last and everything in between.

I am truly a blessed person with many family and friends I have in my corner right now, Bruce,my parents, Lynda, Dorothy,Mike, Lisa, Treyton, Conner, Tonya, Becki, Becky, Shawna, Cheryl, Sandy, Jennifer, Dale, Greg, Stephani, Nancy, Perry, my entire pre-k class that I went to visit with yesterday. Have you ever had 25 4 and 5 year old rush to hug you at the same time? Its an awesome feeling of love, it’s a blessed feeling. Every night when I go to bed I praise God for Bruce and every morning I wake up next to him I praise God. Simply stated on a quilt he bought for me on our first valentines day together 2 years ago has so much more meaning to now. “we may not have it all together but together we have it all” I read that quilt hanging in our living room everyday and reflect on how true it is! He is my soulmate, my rock that can not be destroyed by anything ever! Why? Because I am BLESSED!

Second surgery

Well things are not going so good! I got up to back to work on Tuesday and I was dizzy almost passed out in the bathroom and was running a temperature. SO instead of going to work my husband took me to the DR. I have a sinus infection. Due to the recent surgery he put me on some serious antibotics and told me not to go to work until next week(working with pre-k age kids he said is too many germs floating around..LOL) Then today the surgeon calls to report to that the tumor was cancerous. So I am now scheduled to have a second surgery to remove the rest of my thyroid this Friday (20th) Then sometime after that I will have a radiation treatment that targets only thyroid cells. So its been a really rough week but next week will be better!

Out Voted

Well I really wanted to go to church yesterday but my mother and my husband ganged up on me and wouldn't let me go. So I slept most of the day instead. I wasn't in as much pain yesterday as the day before but I was very very tired. Its even better today but I still feel weak. Mom went back to Kansas yesterday and my husband went to work this morning I am shocked he would trust me to stay home by myself! LOL! I gonna take it easy today and hopfuly go back to work tomorrow and start walking a little this week hopefully by end of the month I can start running again!

Surgery

This will be brief as I don't have much energy to sit at the computer just yet. Had my surgery yesterday it went as planned no problems. The doctor was confident enough that the tumor is not cancerous so he only removed the left side. He said if he had any doubts or concerns he would take the whole thyroid just to be safe but that was not the case. My voice nerves were not damanged either so all went well! I am very sore and tired. It hurts from my ears to the middle of my chest and it really hurts when I swallow. I have pretty much no energy but thats to be expected for a few days. I am hoping to be able to go to church tomorrow, I may end in bed the rest of the day after that but it will be worth it to go to church I think. I truely feel blessed right now!

Blessed Be

Surprise!

I have the most wonderful husband! I am surgery tomorrow and the thing I wanted more than anything was to have my mom here with me! But because my Dad can't travel this far and I did not want her driving that far by herself it just wasn't possible! So I thought! Bruce arranged to have it happen!! His best friend Greg lives near us but his Dad who has always been a father figure to Bruce lives in Kansas. So Bruce called Dale asking him if he was coming this way anything soon to visit Greg! When Dale found out that Bruce was wanting him to drive my Mom here to be with me for the surgery Dale never hesitated! He just asked when does she need to be there! Last nite Bruce comes home from work and tells me my late birthday present had just been delivered and was sitting outside by the front door. I go out to open the door and my Mom is standing there! I SCREAMED and CRIED for 30 minutes hugging my mom, Bruce and Dale! Dale is hanging out at Greg's until Sunday then will take my mom back home then! And that's not all. Bruce called my principal last week asking her if she could arrange to have a sub in my class today so I culd ahve the day off to spend with my Mom! Everyone at work knew about it and no one told me! So we spent the day shopping at Grapevine Mills Mall and just hanging out! I am so Blessed to have this man in my life!!

Blessed Be!

My First One...

This is my first ever online journaling! Its kinda weird putting this on the web for anyone to see but here it goes. Last night my wonderful husband had a late birthday surprise for me. We went to see a play production of The Pirate of Penzance. It was awesome! I had a really good time, but man am I tired today! We got home really late and of course I had to get up early to get to work. But it was worth it! Friday I am having surgery to have a tumor removed from my thyroid. I am so scared but I know its all in GODS hands and it all will be fine. I am looking forward to after surgery to be able to get back to working out and to start running again! I have really missed it and really want to get back to be active. I signed up today for walking challenge online that starts in May. Its a 8 week program where you entire your steps/time of activity on line daily and its charts your distance you walk across country. I thought it would be cool to do it just to see how far I would get across country!

Blessed Be